


Secrets

by hauntedpanels



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: 1950s, Banter, Crushes, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Old Aperture, One Shot, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-08 06:31:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21231347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedpanels/pseuds/hauntedpanels
Summary: Caroline receives anonymous love letters that leave her simultaneously concerned and intrigued. Who would send them? How does the sender manage to deliver them as soon as she's absent? And more importantly, do they have anything to do with the mysterious and beautiful test subject that's been catching her eye?I see you smile when you read my letters and I wonder if you’re imagining a different kind of person in your head that I can never be. But I think I’ll always be left to wonder and not know.





	Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I...may be the only person who ships this. Also this probably SHOULD be split up into two chapters but I'm too lazy to name them.

This was the third time Caroline had found some sort of cheesy, short love note tucked under her books on her desk. She had a secret admirer. But who? She hoped it was not a coworker of hers; she couldn’t bear to go on a date with a man. Whoever the admirer was, they were obviously smitten with her. That became even more apparent when she noticed the single red rose on her chair. She picked it up, careful not to prick herself on a thorn, and set it on top of her desk. She liked the way it looked, the romance of it all, to have a rose sitting elegantly next to the little note signed “-M” surrounded by doodled hearts. It made her feel all warm inside, in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. She only hoped the admirer would be the type of person she could like back.

“Mr. Johnson, have you seen anyone going into my office recently?” Caroline asked as she stepped into his work space.

“Besides you?” he asked.

“Well, obviously,” she retorted.

“Haven’t noticed.”

She sighed. “Someone’s leaving me... notes.”

“Notes?”

“Love notes.”  
  
He snorted. “Wait, seriously?”

“I don’t know why you find that hard to believe,” she said indignantly. “I recall _ someone _saying I was pretty as a postcard.”

“I’m laughing at the thought of any of these eggheads we call ‘scientists’ writing cutesy love letters. And -- is that a rose in your hand?”

“I’m grabbing an erlenmeyer flask out of the chemistry lab and filling it up with water so I can use it as a vase.”

“That’s not what an erlenmeyer flask is for,” he said plainly.

“Oh? Care to enlighten me on what it’s for, then?”

He grumbled. “Just put it back when you’re done.”

“Yes sir,” she replied, practically skipping towards the lab. The facility was already starting to fill up for the day, test subjects arriving one by one and the chem lab already occupied by two of her coworkers.

“Morning, Georgie,” she said as she entered the door. She nodded towards the other man. “Hello James.”

“That for me?” Georgie joked, reaching out for the rose.

Caroline snapped it away. “It’s for _ me. _And I’m borrowing some glassware. Don’t fight me on it. I’m armed with thorns.” She set the rose down briefly to open up a cabinet and grab a flask.

“You got a boyfriend now or something?” James asked. “Inquiring minds wanna know.”

Caroline quickly grabbed the flask and closed the cabinet. “I don’t know who it’s from,” she admitted. “It was left on my desk with an anonymous note.”

“Ooh, someone’s got a crush on Caroline,” James taunted jokingly.

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll see you around, boys.”

“You wanna stick that rose in some deionized water?” Georgie asked, picking up a bottle.

She laughed. “Better than me wasting time going to the cafeteria to run the tap.”

James spoke up. “My wife says tap water ain’t good for plants anyway. The purer the better.”

“Thanks for the gardening advice,” she said with a smile. She took the water and filled the flask up to the top before snipping the stem and planting the rose in place. “I’ll be on my way now, then,” she added.

“Hope you find whoever’s sweet on you,” Georgie said as Caroline waved and left the room.

She hated that her first thought was that she hoped not. Not because she didn’t like having someone to admire her, but because she knew it was, more likely than not, a man. She didn’t want a man. She was done telling herself to feel ashamed for wanting a woman or trying to force herself to be with men. She’d tried that before, in her teenage years, and it had ended in her breaking down in tears after confessing the real person she liked was his sister.

The rest of her day went by smoothly, and she threw herself completely into her work, even opting to monitor a few tests. She was always meticulous in her documentation, and often the other scientists would ask her to monitor because of her focus and dedication to describing the results in detail. Today, however, was different. She couldn’t focus. All she could do was keep rereading her most recent letter.

_ Caroline, _

_ I wonder by now if you’ve managed to guess who I am. Part of me hopes so, but on the other hand, I don’t think I’d quite live up to your expectations and that frightens me a bit. I see you smile when you read my letters and I wonder if you’re imagining a different kind of person in your head that I can never be. But even if I never come forward, thinking of you is okay. And I do think of you. Of your wit, of your smile, your soft brown hair. Of your ability to pair a red lip with men’s blazers like you were built for them -- and don’t think I haven’t noticed. It makes me wonder if you’re just like me. But I think I’ll always be left to wonder and not know. _

_ With admiration, _

_ M _

It was so romantic, and Caroline really wished she knew what M was talking about. Yes, on occasion she did wear men’s clothes, but she didn’t think it made her look like anything but a woman in an oversized jacket. Just like M?

She shook it off. None of that mattered. What mattered was Mel -- her next test subject. She didn't have time to figure out who it was; she needed to focus. Focus, focus, focus, she repeated to herself, although it became increasingly difficult the more Mel moved about. The past three test subjects had been men with nothing to them, solving the tests with difficulty but solving them nonetheless. Mel didn’t have nothing to her though -- she had everything. Her curly red hair was pulled back into a ponytail which bounced about with each jump. Her face was splashed with freckles, her lips a cherry red, her body slim, and Caroline’s heart almost skipped a beat when Mel turned her head and looked her straight in the eye through the little observation window, giving Caroline a little wink before finishing the test and skipping towards the elevator.

_ It makes me wonder if you’re just like me. _

Caroline wasn’t sure if she was viewing the situation realistically or not. She needed an objective point of view, but she had no friends who knew her secret. She didn’t trust her coworkers to know she liked women at all, let alone ask them for secret admirer advice. The only one who knew was Cave, and she hardly believed it was appropriate to ask her boss about this. However, upon reflection, she realized she didn’t have much of a choice. She only hoped he wouldn’t find it out of bounds.

“Mr. Johnson?” Caroline asked as she approached Cave after finishing her task. “A word in your office, if you don’t mind?”

He laughed, opening the door and inviting her in. “Am I in trouble?”

Caroline shook her head and closed the door before sitting down in one of the lounge chairs in the corner. She pulled the note out and smiled. “Mel.”

His face twisted in confusion. “Huh?”

“It’s Mel. Is it Mel? I don’t know, honestly, I can’t imagine why. We’ve never spoken. But she winked at me. What does that mean? Does it--”

“Okay, slow down there,” he protested. “Who is Mel?”

“She wrote the note!” Caroline insisted, waving the piece of paper in the air. “At least, I think she did…”

“I think this is a job for your diary, Caroline. Not your boss.”

“You’re the only person who… _ knows, _” she said quietly.

“Knows what, that you don’t own a diary? Come on, I pay you a decent salary, I know you can afford a notebook. It might not be a fancy one, but--”

“No. About my… unconventional way of, uh… approaching romance.”

“Jesus, Caroline,” he said exasperatedly. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“About me--” she cut herself off, lowering her voice and speaking between gritted teeth, "playing for the other team.”

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, you know exactly what I mean.”

“I do?”

Caroline sighed exasperatedly, her own internalized issues leaving her reluctant at saying the word. “Gay.”

“Oh. Right. That.”

“So I can’t ask anyone for advice…”

Cave sighed and took a seat across from her. “Besides her winking at you, why do you think it’s her? There’s a million people in and out of this facility every day. It could be anyone. Maybe she just had something in her eye.”

“The note is signed as M. And whoever wrote the note said they noticed I wear men’s clothes sometimes--”

“You do?”

“Not the point. They followed up with wondering if that means I’m just like them.”

“That could mean anything,” he replied.

“You think it’s someone else then?” Caroline asked defensively.

“I just don’t think you should get your hopes up. That’s all. There are a lot of men around here too that are interested in you.”

She crossed her arms. “How do you know that?!”

“Just human nature. You’re probably the only woman in their lives besides their mothers.”

“That’s uncomfortable information. Why are you so insistent it’s anyone but her?”

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt, Caroline,” he said, in a tone of voice implying it should have been obvious.

“She’s good at testing. Her file reflects well on her.”

“It’s not about the risks she’s taking. It’s about whether or not she really _ is _just like you.”

Caroline felt a lump in her throat, hating how right he was. It was a risk she would take herself, if she was to confront Mel.

Cave stood up. “Now, I’ve got work to do, so I suggest you go do the same,” he said as he headed for his desk. “Otherwise I don’t know how you’ll ever manage to afford a diary.”

Caroline sighed and stood up, reaching for the door, sorely disappointed by the interaction.

“Oh, and Caroline,” he added as she turned the knob, “don’t listen to me. I am terrible at giving advice.”

She smiled. “I know,” she said as she headed out, closing the door gently behind her. She exhaled before tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and making her way through the winding halls looking for Mel, but to no avail. Finally she retired back to her office, only to find another letter.

_ You looked gorgeous today. _

_ -M _

It had to have been Mel. The coincidence was just too uncanny. But how was she constantly missing the deliveries? It always seemed to happen when she wasn’t there. She realized the best solution was a stakeout. It wasn’t the work Cave was hoping she’d accomplish, but she was on the clock nonetheless. Maybe by the time this was over, she’d be able to afford a diary in which to rave about her new girlfriend. Wishful thinking, she reminded herself, but the idea made her smile.

“Caroline, have you seen my coffee mug?” Cave asked, suddenly barging into her office without knocking.

Caroline quickly pulled some papers over the notes she was rereading to make it look like she was doing real work. “No, sir, I haven’t. Where did you last have it?”

“That table out there,” he said, pointing towards a desk near his office.

“I’ll keep an eye out for it,” she lied.

“It’s the one that says “world’s best boss.””

Caroline stifled a laugh. “Who bought you that?”

“The gift giver wanted to remain anonymous,” he said quickly.

“So you bought it for yourself, is what you’re saying,” she replied, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms with a smug grin.

“There was still coffee in it last time I set it down.”

“Sounds like a test subject ran off with your coffee, then. You should keep a better eye on it.”

“I can guarantee you that test subject is _ not _the best boss ever,” he replied.

“Well, neither are you,” she joked, unsurprised to see Cave still sporting an annoyed look. “Okay, okay, sorry. Seriously, I’ll keep an eye out.”

Caroline continued to distract herself with work, hiding out in her office until the clock struck five o’ clock and her colleagues began heading out the door. Knowing her shift ended an hour later with Cave’s, she decided to slink out the door as soon as the commotion of her coworkers leaving ended.

“Any luck finding your coffee?”

“No,” he grumbled. “But I’m not gonna cry about it.”

“So, I’m staying late,” she said, ignoring his previous statement.

“You sound like you’ve got your mind made up before even asking the person who, you know, owns the building.”

She exhaled. “May I stay late, please, Mr. Cave 'I Own The Place' Johnson?” she asked with a sarcastic smile.

“I mean, I’m not paying you for it.”

“It’s not work related. It’s a stakeout. I’m catching whoever this person is redhanded. Even if the person is a man. At least then I’ll know.”

“Best of luck to you then,” he said, grabbing his briefcase and coat. “Don’t sleep in the test chambers and don’t disrupt the mantis men. They’re locked up in--”

“Lab 308 C. I know. Deadbolted. No entry. I got it.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he replied as he headed for the elevator.

After being left in the silence, Caroline had to admit she _ was _tempted to go rouse the failed experiments in lab 308 C, but decided it wasn’t worth losing her job over. Looking around the place, feeling the heavy quietness of every employee vacated except herself, made her feel like a little child left in the school after hours for a play rehearsal or parent-teacher conference -- the smell of lysol, the warm lights, the echo of lone footsteps. A liminal space depending solely on the time of day.

This wonderment quickly grew tired, however, after Caroline had spent hours on her own. She left her post to go raid other people’s offices. She knew it was immoral, but she couldn’t help her own curiosity, and who was there to judge?

Even her coworkers most secret documents were boring. A study on condensed matter? Mundane. Papers with nothing but numbers and polyatomic ions scribbled on the page? ...Why? And Caroline couldn’t even get started on the notes she found in her friend’s lab where he converted everything into Kelvin -- with the wrong formula.

Running around the facility left Caroline tired, and it was evident that nobody had stopped by her office yet, and likely wouldn’t until early morning. With that said, she laid down, promising herself she wouldn’t fall asleep and would only rest her eyes for a few moments. Fatigue took over before she could stop it, though, and she easily drifted off to sleep on the floor of her office.

* * *

When Caroline woke up, it was completely dark in the facility. She fumbled for a light before pulling the clock radio off her desk and reading the time. 8:15 am. She’d slept the whole night in her office, all in pursuit of catching Mel. She couldn’t believe she’d thought this was a good idea the night before. Mel might not even show up that morning to leave another note, if it even _ was _her. She was amazed she even managed to sleep in the clothes from the day before. She peered down and examined her stockings, only to find that her tossing and turning had allowed her garter to put too much stress on the nylon, leaving a giant, noticeable run.

“Damn it,” she muttered under her breath. She pushed herself up and tried to straighten herself out. Her petticoat underneath her skirt was flattened on one side, her left stocking ripped, her hair frizzy and flat, and upon looking into a compact in her desk drawer, her lipstick smudged. She realized how it’d look to her coworkers, to see her in the next day in the same clothing, disheveled and unkempt as if she’d had an eventful night. It wasn’t any of their business, frankly, but she still didn’t want to give them any ideas. She quickly grabbed her compact, a tube of lipstick, and a hair tie from her desk drawer and booked it to the nearest bathroom, where she took her time adjusting her slip until it poofed out just right. She pulled back her hair into the nicest bun she could manage and removed her lipstick from the night before. She hoped a quick application of a new color to her lips and a bit of powder on her nose would distract from her recycled outfit and sleepless eyes.

When she exited the restroom, she immediately caught sight of a certain familiar head of hair -- red, curled, and tied up with a ribbon. Caroline thought about running to catch up with her, but thought it would be best to be sneaky and see what she was up to. With that in mind, she walked a distance behind Mel and followed her to her office. Mel turned the corner, and Caroline waited briefly before following her in and shutting the door to her office behind her. Caroline smirked at the panicked look in Mel’s eyes as she stood there, redhanded with a note and chocolate bar in hand.

Caroline didn’t know what to say, but the look on Mel’s face was absolutely priceless, and she wanted to savor it. She walked slowly over to Mel, who was completely frozen, and removed the note from her hand.

“Dear Caroline,” Caroline began to read aloud, but Mel snatched it away.

“Don’t. You’ll embarrass me. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have harassed you like this, I just--”

“You’re even prettier up close,” Caroline said with a smug smile. She walked closer to her, and Mel’s breathing got shallow from what Caroline couldn’t tell was due to Mel’s nervousness of being outed, or her unrelenting crush. Caroline grabbed the note again. “Maybe I am just like you, Mel. If by that, you mean you prefer the company of women. If you meant something else, then I’m afraid we’re both horribly on the wrong page.”

“It’s what I meant,” she said meekly. “You slept here all night just to catch me, didn’t you?” she said with a sly grin.

Caroline sputtered in disbelief. “I can’t possibly imagine why you think that’s true. Come on, I’m not the obsessed one.”  
“You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday,” she said plainly.

“And you noticed. See what I mean? Obsessed.”

“But do you mind?” Mel asked.

Caroline smiled as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind Mel’s ear. “Maybe I’m a little obsessed too,” she said, inches away from her face. “Although frankly, I think you should take me to dinner first before we take this any further.”

“Mr. Johnson said you like that diner on 4th street,” she proposed.

“Wait, he what?!”

“Calm down, I didn’t tell him I was into you. I just asked what you did in your free time. Took a lot to get an answer out of him though.”

“He’s not all that observant. Probably had to think about it,” she said with a laugh.

“So I can take you, after work. But honestly I think you should ask for the day off so you can get some sleep. If you’re tired, I can’t possibly imagine you’ll have any fun on our date,” she said with a grin. She walked closer to Caroline, leaned in on her toes, and kissed her, and Caroline was quick to return the kiss and wrap a hand around Mel’s waist. She was surprised by herself with how eager she was to be with Mel, but she felt an attraction that was almost magnetic. Caroline was always a hopeless romantic -- how could she turn down roses and love letters from such a beautiful girl?

“I don’t suppose you’ll give me your phone number?” Mel said hopefully. “And I’ll call you around 5:30.”

Caroline nodded and jotted down the number on a sticky note.

“On one condition,” she added.

Caroline tilted her head. “Yes?”

“Get some rest. And wear something you can dance in.” She grinned. “Goodbye, Caroline,” she said sweetly as she walked past Caroline and back into the halls. Caroline just sat there in shock, out of breath, nearly in denial of the whole encounter. She took a deep breath and decided it was best she go home and catch up on sleep. Any moment now, Mr. Johnson would be heading for his office across from hers, so she waited patiently by his door, perking up when she heard the sound of jingling keys.

“Caroline,” he said with surprise. “You look… awful.”

Her eyes widened as she scoffed. “Gee, thanks, Mr. Johnson. You talk to your wife like that?”

“Yes,” he replied as he stuck his key in his door. “Let me guess. You slept here.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“What’s really obvious to me is that you figured out who your admirer is.”

She turned a bright red. “What makes you say that?”

“Caroline, you’re wearing pink lipstick and yet you’ve got red smudged all over you.”

Caroline raised a hand up to her face to cover her lips.

"Here,” he said, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and offering it to her.

“No offense, sir, but I don’t know where that hankie has been and I don’t care to put it on my face,” she said.

He rolled his eyes. “Go home and get some rest.”

She smiled. “I will.”

“And remember what I said.”

“About… not taking your advice? Because I didn’t. And I was right.”

“Yeah, I know that. But that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh?”

“About getting a diary. Then you can memorialize the giant red smudge marks on your face without everyone else seeing it. Geez, go clean up before one of the guys sees you.”

She laughed quietly. “Thanks.”

“What are you thanking me for?”

“Looking out for me. I’ve got a date tonight.”

“Save it for your gal pals.”

“I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow morning,” she said with a smile, ignoring his disgruntled request before heading off towards the elevator.

“By the way, Caroline,” he began, making her stop, “I found that stupid mug.”

She turned around and smiled. “Where at?”

“Garbage. Sounds like somebody did not agree with the mug’s sentiment. I think one thing me and that person _ can _agree on is their lack of job once I figure out who it was.”

“Good luck with that one, Mr. Johnson,” she said.

“Clean it out for me before you leave, will ya?” he asked, promptly shoving the mug into her hands. “I’ve got to tend to something on the floor below us,” he added, heading towards the elevator and leaving Caroline in silence.

Caroline rolled her eyes and shook her head, turning to go to the cafeteria with the mug in hand. She looked down in it. Instead of coffee stains, there was a piece of paper, folded up.

_ “I think there are better, less confusing ways to say “unconventional way of approaching romance” and “just like her.” Just say lesbian, Caroline. It’s not a bad word. P.S, put that flask back where it came from. I don’t pay you to move lab materials to places they shouldn’t be.” _

She sighed, pulling out the note and shoving it into her pocket. To spite him, she poured the water in the flask out and into the mug, placing the rose there instead.

How could she rest? She had to find the perfect thing to wear. Something to dance in, she reminded herself. The perfect skirt for dancing, the perfect hair for twirling, the perfect makeup to catch Mel’s eyes. The perfect shade of lipstick for kissing, if she was lucky. The perfect shoes for walking back to her apartment with Mel, if she was even luckier. And the perfect pajamas to wear, at home, while recounting the day in her new diary.


End file.
